King of the Ring 95 Rant by Steve McFadden Email me at: mcfaddendaman@aol.com King of the Ring 95. Everyone has an opinion of it. Sadly, most people think that the WWF had no clue what it was doing when they released this Pay Per View to people who shelled out their hard earned cash. However, I do not see it to be as bad as everyone claims it was. Sure, I may be a King Mabel fan and all, but I really don't see why everyone hates this pay per view just because he won. OK, so all the matches sucked. But this was a VERY historical night for the WWF. It represented that the WWF was willing to sacrifice themselves for something new. Instead of putting over an obvious pick like Shawn Michaels or Kama (heh, just kidding about Kama), they decided to swerve the internet marks and actual fans by having Mabel win. Mabel was a pretty good talent at the time, and who was to say that he was instantly going to fail? Sure, he ended up failing, but that's because his match against Diesel at Summerslam 95 was underrated. King Mabel and Diesel pulled off some decent moves in that match, even though it only lasted about 8 minutes. Anyways, on with the rant... Coming to you live from Philadephia Pennsylvania, home of the suddenly good Eagles and Sixers, it's King of the Ring 95: When Bookers Attack! -Party hosts for the evening are Vince McMahon and Dok Hendrix. I really hated Vince as an announcer here, because he always ended up screaming and making the action seem much much MUCH more exciting than it actually was, which always ended up being annoying, and Hendrix (Michael Hayes) was just a piece of monkey crap here. Dok is the heel, Vince is the face. -Special bonus match: Jobbio Vega vs. Eyes Are Us (winner faces Yokozuna in quarterfinals of tournament) You know, maybe it's just me and my cynical self speaking yet again, but who would be HAPPY to face Yokozuna? Anyways, the story to the match is this.. Razor Ramon had already qualified for the tournament, but he got "injured", so he had his friend Savio Vega enter the tourney for him, but we couldn't have that, now could we? Hence this match. The match slowed down a lot, as the two never really seemed to get on track. it's a shame that Michael Rotundo was reduced to this, because he's a good wrestler. And Savio was decent too, watch his Wrestlemania 12 match against Austin. But this match wasn't that good. Savio hits a spinning heel kick (Didn't Viscera use that move for a while?) for the pin, and Razor and Vega are happy because now Jobbio gets to face the 600 pound Yokozuna. God bless America. 1/2 * Now the PPV starts.. -Opening Match: KOTR Quarterfinal Match: Jobbio Vega vs. The King of all Restholds Yay. Disn't Jobbio just wrestle? Hoo boy. What's sad is that he looked about a hundred times more rested than Fatozuna did throughout this boring match. Yokozuna controlled the match from the outset, which means BORE CITY. Basically, he used all 237 of his innovative restholds, because he's a fat blimp that gets tired just turning around in a full circle. And this guy was WWF champ? See, how can anyone be mad that King Mabel won King of the Ring when there was a chance this FAT ASS MOTHER FUCKING PIECE OF CRAP woulda won. Yoko then goes for his little "I'll run off the ropes then try to legdrop you, but since you're small you'll get out of the way because you have a bigger heart than me" move, and Savio does about 98,000 punches to the delight of the crowd. They fight outside the ring, and somehow Yokozuna gets knocked into the ring stairs. Then Owen Hart comes out and attacks Razor Ramon. While this is going on, Vega gets back in the ring and Yoko gets counted out. Whoo hoo! Thank god, I like Vega, and Yoko was SHIT at this point. ** just for the ending -KOTR Quarterfinal Match: The Roadie (Road Dogg) vs. Bob Holly (Hardcore Holly) Wow, I didn't realize these two were so "over" back then. The crowd is behind Bob in this match. I think he was using the Sparkplug gimmick at this time, because he looked like a race car driver here. This was a good match, especially for a 1995 affair, as the two pulled off some cool spots I didn't know was in them. There were lots of near falls early, and there was this one cool spot where Bob Holly went for a hurricanrana (Frankensteiner, whatever) and Roadie caught him in midair then dropped him with a SWEET powerbomb. Ending came out of nowhere, as Roadie got the pin out of nowhere. I guess the ref fucked up the spot count or something, but who knows. Good match though, I actually didn't get bored watching it. Match of the night here. ** 1/2 -KOTR Quarterfinal Match: Papa Shango.. eh fuck, its Kama vs. I Think I'm Cute.. Man, I woulda been SO happy if Papa Shango and King Mabel were in the same tournament. Oh well. Kama was pretty cool and all, but his hair was bordering on assaninely weird. I bet the Undertaker comes out for this match, just because he was involved in the angle that turned the wrestling world upside down as we know it, the world famous Kama vs. Undertaker feud which involved Kama taking the urn then melting it and making a necklace out of it. HEY, THAT'S PAPA SHANGO'S JOB! HE'S THE FRIGGIN VOODOO WITCH DOCTOR, YOU DUMBASS BOOKERS! Anyways, this was a pretty decent match, but you could tell Shawn Michaels was not the wrestler he later was. Maybe it's just that he was wrestling Charles Wright, I don't know. Anyways, the match ended on a time limit expire, which is gay because the PPV wasn't even 1/3 over at this point, so there was plenty of time to get in another match. No Undertaker here, either. ** -This was a very VERY odd segment, as Mr. Bob Backlund wants to be mayor of Philadephia, and he shows whats wrong with the city.. or something. I call it "incoherent babbling", but whatever. Hey, Mabel's match is next! -At this point, it was bloody obvious either Mabel or Undertaker was going to win the tournament, because they got their own special match graphic, and match hype. Which other quarterfinal match got match hype and a match graphic? Didn't think so. -KOTR Quarterfinal Match: Mabel vs. Through Hell, Fire, and uhh.. Rest in Peace! Here's what I ordered the damn tape for.. Mabel. Undertaker purposely set out to make Mabel look bad, and I have proof of this, as Taker takes the Yokozuna route by choking out Mabel a lot early. How is Mabel supposed to respond to offense like that? it's just.. offensive. Sidewalk Slam from Mabel (hey, didn't he use that as a finisher for a while?), then Taker comes back with some more exciting offense. That Sidewalk Slam was the coolest move in the match so far. Belly to belly suplex from Mabel (OK, it looked bad because Mabel cannot possibly look good doing a move like that in the outfit he's wearing, especially when forced to pick up a behemoth like the Undertaker) and then a chinlock. OK, he fucked up here, I'll admit that. More restholds from Mabel, COME ON NOW. Finally, he hits a pretty cool spinning heel kick, but the ref gets taken down soon after that. Taker hits the chokeslam, but here comes Kama! (ha, told you so). He kicks Taker in the face, then Mabel gets up and leg drops Taker! 1... 2.. 3! Yay! ** 1/2, cool ending, and Mabel did some cool moves here. -Boring time filler here, as they show a recap of the Hall of Fame induction. Who cares? See, they coulda deleted out the Bob Backlund crap and this boring time filler, and had time for Mabel vs. Kama.. but that would be heel vs. heel. OK, so I understand why the WWF did what they did now. I told you at the beginning I knew why the WWF booked this PPV the way they did, didn't I? -KOTR Semifinal Match: Jobbio Vega vs. The Roadie Dogg Winner faces Mabel in the KOTR finals. Boy, I bet Vega was just relieved to not face someone over 500 pounds here. Again, maybe its just me, but who would be happy to face Mabel? This was a really boring match, which is quite a shame. Like I have said already, Roadie was already involved in a cool match, and Savio Vega had a lots of talent, as seen in his Wrestlemania 12 match against Steve Austin. The ending saw Jeff Jarrett come up on the apron, then Roadie got whipped into him, and Vega rolled him up for the 1.. 2.. 3. God bless America. DUD -OK, so at this point we have Mabel vs. Savio Vega in the finals of the King of the Ring. Let me explain what the WWF could have been thinking at this time. They wanted Mabel to seem like a monster capable of winning the WWF title, so they wanted him to destroy a sympathetic underdog-like character. Savio Vega was playing the underdog character, so they figured, why not have Mabel face him? They could prove that Mabel had no compassion for anyone by destroying Vega after winning the match, and that might just get him the crowd heat he needed. And did he get that heat? You damn right. -Funny stuff here, as Carlos Cabrera interviews Savio Vega, and Dok provides a great translation. Stuff like "I am going to get my ass stomped on in the finals". Heh heh. -Video recap of the legendary two year feud between Lawler and Hart. Yay. -Kiss my Foot Match: Jerry Lawler vs. Bret Hart OK, so basically, whoever loses this match has to kiss the victor's foot. And Lawler made sure to get the stinkiest feet possible, as he had holes in his socks, etc. The announcing team did a good job of putting this over throughout the match, even though it made no sense, as the fans didn't seem to mind the smell much at all. I think Bret Hart was feuding with Hakushi here as well. Yep, there's Hakushi. Who in the bloody hell is Hakushi? I have no idea. Anyways, heel miscommunication (what else is new? Let me guess, Lawler loses this match then has to kiss his own foot.) leads to Bret Hart scoring with his patented FIVE MOVES OF DOOM ( Scott Keith). Lawler submits to the Sharpshooter. I still want to know who Hakushi is. Bret makes Lawler kiss Bret's boot, then makes Lawler his his own boot. Told you so. Now.. who's Hakushi? ** -Special Olympics promo. That's three stupid ass wastes of time in the show alone. And that doesn't count Savio Vega vs. Yokozuna. -King of the Ring 95 Finals: Da Main Event vs. Jobbio Vega Of all the reasons why the WWF sucked in 1995, King Mabel was not one of them. Jobbio played his role well here, as Vince put over the fact that Jobbio shouldn't even be here, and has already wrestled 3 matches compared to Mabel's one. However, as in the opening match, Savio looks much more rested than Mabel. That's just because Undertaker bored the hell out of Mabel last match. And how is Mabel supposed to work with such a small guy without killing him or severely injuring his ribcage? Punches and kicks to start, followed by Mabel's cool ass bearhug. Chin lock, ECW chant from fans. Vince says "Listen to that chant, it's...". Great stuff. He didn't even realize what the fans were cheering until he already mentioned the chant. Stupid Vince. Running spinning heel kick from Vega.. 1, 2, kickout. Mabel stands up, belly to belly suplex, BIG SPLASH! 1... 2.. 3! New King! Worth the 17.40 I paid for the tape right there. *, must Mabel carry EVERYONE? -Remember what I said about Mabel destroying everyone? Out come 1-2-3 Kid and Razor Ramon to save Savio, but the Men on a Mission destroy them to big heel heat. Told you I would explain why they did what they did.. -KING Mabel (yeah!) gets coronated, as the crowd disrespects him by throwing stuff at him. This was my favorite part of the show, although the crowd pissed me off with their total disrepect. -I wish the show was over right now, but it's not. Interview with the Million Dollar Corporation, Sid and Tatanka. -Video package. -Main Event: Sid and Tatanka vs. Bam Bam Bigelow and Diesel Yawn. Heels beat up on Diesel for a while. I wish I didn't have to recap this shit because it's so damn BORING. Finally, Diesel tags in Bam Bam. I don't care about this match at all. Bam Bam as a main eventer failed on so many levels, it's not even funny. Sid then destroys Bam Bam with moves that I would assume are punches or slaps, but could also be classified as hand to chest breathing excerises. Crowd is so happy with this match they start filing to the top to see the match from a better perspective. Oh wait, they're LEAVING. Smart fellows. Bam Bam climbs the top rope SLOWLY, but Sid chokeslams him from the top rope! Good move. Tag, Tatanka kicks, tag, Sid kicks. This is what main event wrestling is all about. Bigelow head around, and trips up Sid. Diesel tags in, misses an elbow, screams in agony that he has to be involved in this shit, then tags back in Bam Bam. Tatanka with more kicks and punches, tag into Diesel. Diesel jackknifes Tatanka.. 1, 2, he pulled Tatanka up! He wants Sid! Sid leaves like a chicken though, so Diesel drops an elbow (presuambly his good one) on Tatanka, for the 3 count, ending this match. Good ending, but come on now. *, and one of the worst main events I have ever seen. Final Decision: And you wonder why the WWF tried Mabel as a main eventer.. that main event sucked on so many levels. Just get this tape to see Mabel win King of the Ring, as it is TRULY a historical moment. And once you realize what the WWF was trying to accomplish, the booking doesn't seem so bad. Call it a 4/10, and a reccomendation to buy, for collection reasons. Thanks for reading, email me at mcfaddendaman@aol.com or IM me on AIM at mEgAnIzMyAnGeL with any questions or comments. Thanks!